Are you female and on the Autism Spectrum? That makes you a Unicorn! A lovely, unique Creature so rare that you are the stuff of myths. Why? Because most women go undiagnosed.
If you are a woman with ASD, welcome! I invite you to share your lived experience in the comments. I’m writing from a neurotypical point of view, which has its limitations.
For too long, ASD has been considered a disorder that affects boys (many men have gone undiagnosed too, but that’s another post.) Of children diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, 80% are male vs 20% female, but there are many doubts about whether this accurately reflects the Autistic population.
There are several theories as to why females are underdiagnosed, but, in a nutshell, girls, whether through neuro-development or cultural conditioning, tend to be more adept at social skills at early ages. Since the lack of age-appropriate social skills in boys is a red flag when considering an Autism identification, girls who are making social efforts are easily overlooked.
Many Autistic girls are proficient at social mimicry early in life. While their interactions on the surface appear ‘normal,’ they aren’t intuitive. This becomes an issue later on when their social groups mature and early scripts and learned responses aren’t appropriate anymore. Without an intuitive understanding of invisible social rules, Autistic girls may suddenly find themselves teased, bullied or left out of their former friendship circles. You can imagine the hurt and confusion a preteen would experience. For some women, this becomes a life-long cycle of attempts to fit in by mimicking expected behaviour (masking), making a social faux pas, and re-experiencing rejection.
As girls mature into women, the stakes of social masking grow exponentially. Women appear to internalize social challenges more often than men, which leads to social anxiety and low self-esteem. Females with sensory issues and meltdowns (neurological overload) are often labelled as ‘drama queens’ or ‘high maintenance,’ completely invalidating their needs. Constantly masking one’s needs to fit in can result in Autistic Burnout.
Autistic girls with low support needs in school are frequently overlooked in their early years, but as they mature, the social challenges they face become more pronounced. They are vulnerable to being manipulated and bullied. Unsurprisingly, they often experience difficulties regulating their moods, managing relationships, or experiencing anxiety or depression. Symptoms that, at their worst, can inaccurately be labelled Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or Clinical Depression. Without proper assessment by a professional with expertise in Autism Spectrum Disorders, a woman may receive treatment for a symptom/learned behaviour rather than a core issue. In this scenario, the cycle continues leading to frustration and mistrust in the healthcare system, adding to the burden of internalized messages about being ‘difficult’ and creating even more isolation.
Knowledge is power. If you are a parent of a girl that seems to be highly sensitive, perhaps is struggling with making and keeping friends, is showing signs of anxiety, has a tendency to repeat phrases learned from books or media, has multiple allergies/hypersensitivities, becomes laser-focused on an activity or seems to spend a lot of time in a fantasy world, is clumsy/hyperflexible. It may be worth exploring whether there are other signs of neurodiversity.
Parents, trust your instincts. Many professionals will still be influenced by the stereotypical presentation of Autism in boys, so do your research when selecting an assessor. Please don’t be afraid that an Autism identification will limit your daughter. You will be giving her the gift of self-awareness and essential resources. There is a vibrant community of Autistic women; she can be a part of it.
There is so much to say on this topic that you can expect me to revisit this one, but let me leave you with this: I adore the neurodiverse women peppered through my life. I value their keen observations, sensitivity, creativity and deep empathy (yes, empathy!) Friendships free of the need for small talk are a balm to my soul. I am deeply saddened by how misunderstood many of these friends were when they were young; how unsupported they felt. If I can spare another neurodiverse woman that awful rite of passage, my job here is done!
PS: Here are some Autistic Women sharing their insights on social media to pay attention to:
NeuroWild
PDA Our Way
NeurodivergentRebel
*One last thing, the links I share in my posts are ones I personally found helpful and informative. They aren’t exhaustive. Talk to a professional if you or your child would benefit from an assessment.